Some Recent Things

The time change brought some much-needed sunshine in the evenings. However, the “earlier” mornings have been a bit of a struggle to get used to this year. Most days, I am dragging. But I actually love this shift that we get. Having more sunshine in the afternoons is my jam. Anyway, things have been a little heavy here on the blog lately. So, I want to share a few positive life updates.

Emery is currently in the middle of track season. She just completed cheer tryouts and was named the Junior Cheer Captain. She’s been doing really well in her classes, minus Algebra 2. But that’s looking more like a teacher problem rather than a student problem. While I take my teenager seriously, I also know her very well. She’s not perfect, and sometimes she’s a bit dramatic. So no, it’s not just her feedback that’s causing me to make that claim. Other factors are also playing into my opinion. And don’t come at me about teachers, I have a lot of respect for them and feel they should be paid way more. Moving along. Emery has started to show interest in driving again, BUT there is A LOT of anxiety with it. And not just from her, but me as well. So much so that I’m considering enrolling her in driving school over the summer if we haven’t made any progress by then. Other than that, we are in the home stretch to the end of Sophomore year. And that passed by so freaking fast.

Little man is healthy, growing, and walking! Can you believe it? We still co-sleep, and I am still breastfeeding. He still wakes up throughout the night. So, on a good day, we get about 7 hours of interrupted sleep. That doesn’t stop him from waking up with a smile on his face and outstretched arms most mornings, though. He has had some issues with ear infections and was scheduled to have tubes placed in his ears recently. Unfortunately, his procedure had to be rescheduled due to RSV - better safe than sorry. He has been learning more words, but his favorites are “No” and “Stop.” Can you guess where he’s hearing those the most at? He loves hanging out in his sister’s room, though that sentiment is very one-sided. And some mornings, he wakes up talking about his dad. A little sad, but also cute that he’s thinking of him. We had his first Easter egg “hunt” last week at daycare. It was so cute getting to see all of the kids wobble and crawl around picking up eggs.

Overall, everyone is doing well! Life is chugging right along, and we’ve got some upcoming decisions/changes to walk through. It’s been a bit stressful for me, but I know everything will work itself out. Until the next one, ✌.

Wordless Wednesday

Broken Nights

While things have been going well for my husband, the downside has been that he’s away from home. A lot. He only comes back every other weekend, and then we try to make a trip in between. Sometimes we just get a Saturday before one of us has to leave. And even that depends on schedules. Overall, this has been very hard on me. It’s been hard on Emery and little man, too.

Because my husband is gone for long stretches at a time, I have to rely on Emery’s help way more than I did before. Which she’s not a fan of, and I don’t blame her. I will say that my sister-in-law, from my previous marriage, has been a huge help to me during these past few months. Sometimes she brings over dinner, a packed lunch, or offers to watch the little man so I can take a shower. But she has her own life, and I don’t want to intrude on it. My parents have also made a handful of trips up here to help me get some things done. But it’s a long drive to make, so I don’t ask for them to do this often. So, a lot of times, I feel like I just can’t keep up with the demands of everyday life.

My brain is constantly on. Lists, reminders, and did that get done? While my son is sleeping better, I have developed a really bad snoring problem. Weight gain induced. Sometimes I wonder if this is also why he can’t sleep for long stretches either. So, we're both still getting crap sleep every night. And each week, we are navigating something new. There are personal appointments and work meetings. Illness and track schedules. Pickups and drop-offs. Bedtime routines and work projects. Laundry and committees. Calendars and school events. And y’all, I feel like I’m floundering. Trying to work full-time, be there for my teenager, take care of my baby, keep all of our animals alive, AND maintain a clean home has left me with very little time to do anything besides survive.

On top of that, it’s been said that I’m not ambitious enough. That I’m lazy. I’ve been told that I don’t want to put effort into my career to help my family. “Why did you go get a degree if you aren’t going to use it to make things better for yourself and your family?” But if I really pursued a better-paying job that required more of me, I’d be accused of being selfish. "She must not want to be around her family. She’s allowing strangers to raise her kids." So, when comments about my “lack of effort” get made, it piss me off. And then I get a bit defensive. Because what the heck do you mean I'm not doing enough? I don’t know when I would have the time, at least right now, to give any more of myself in any area of my life. Home or career. There’s just nothing left in my tank right now.

December 2025

I feel like I’m failing at everything. Nothing can receive my full attention. I feel like a married single mom, and there are times when I resent that. I was promised help. I was told I would not have to parent alone. I was told that I’d still have time for self-care. And I was told that I wouldn’t have to carry the mental load on my own. Yet, here we are. And I know that this is just a hard season in life right now - I know. But having to go such long periods without my partner's help has been rough. Feeling like I’m not contributing enough has left me doubting myself. Feeling like a terrible wife and mother has left me broken on some nights. And I know that at some point, things will ease up. I'll be wishing for these days again. Even if only to relive the moments with my kids. So, even on the broken nights, after the tears are shed, I tell myself that there are so many things to be grateful for. And I continue to count my blessings.