Letting Go of a Place

Photo by Pin Adventure Map on Unsplash

Written on 12.17.25 

When I was a teenager, I had these big dreams of living in a big city. I wanted to see other parts of the world, too. Now, as an adult, while I would love to see other parts of the world, I’m most comfortable in the country. My entire life has been spent here in this area. Minus that one year I lived in California. My family was here. It was a small town with a strong community. Everyone knew everyone else. Crime was very low. And honestly, I have enjoyed being here. It’s familiar. It’s safe. It’s HOME.

Then, a few months ago, our landlord had a mental health crisis. Not their first. And while I won’t get into too much detail, the police did get involved. It was recommended that we stay elsewhere for a few nights and then return later once they had gotten some help. We were lucky to have a place to stay for the week, and we spent those days living out of a duffel bag. The whole ordeal was super disruptive to say the least. But this forced us to start looking into the long term. My husband and I took the week to talk about our lives. What was our goal? Did we still see a future here? What did we really have left in this town? If we did move, where would we go? How would a move impact the kids? How would this impact us, financially and in our lives overall?

In the end, we came to the conclusion that nothing was holding us here. The cost of living has almost doubled, and it’s still climbing. The job market has not kept up, and while I make a decent amount, I could be making more elsewhere. My parents moved 1 ½ hours away. His dad and stepmom live 3 ½ hours away. This community is no longer small, and it’s projected to grow quite a bit in the next 5 years. While it is relatively safe, drugs and alcohol are everywhere. Though I doubt that’s different anywhere else. And as we sat there listing the pros and cons of whether to stay or go, I realized that the only thing holding us here was nostalgia. And a healthy dose of fear that comes from having to start all over. Nineteen-year-old me would have probably been packed and ready to go. Thirty-eight-year-old, mother of two, me is looking around in panic. Because what do you mean, I have to uproot everything and try to figure out life in a very unfamiliar place?

Now, by the time we returned to our house, we were all in agreement that it would be best for us to move. Where? We haven’t determined that yet. It will honestly depend on jobs. Though we have about 3 locations in mind. Ideally, we’d like to get our financial situation sorted out first. And I’d like to have some time to job hunt before going anywhere. I’d also like to wait until Emery finishes the school year. All of that said, we haven’t ruled out staying in this area completely. Maybe going a few towns over, or so. But we do want to leave our current location. We want to have a fresh start somewhere. Preferably still close to our families. Though a job offer was extended to my husband in South Texas, we haven't completely declined. In the end, we’ll do what’s best for our family. But HERE is no longer a place we’re tied to. And while there’s grief in that, there’s also excitement.

Wordless Wednesday

📸: Credit

 

Navigating a Financial Nightmare

They say, “When it rains, it pours.” And well, 2025 has not stopped raining. In fact, we’ve basically been flooding since our accident back in March. And it looks like we will be closing out the year with a lot of debt. It could be worse, I know, but this is probably the worst it has ever gotten for me. EVER. Between my husband’s unpaid time off after childbirth and the accident. Then, with all our medical bills, shortened hours at work, and not being firm on my “no,” things have gotten out of hand. And I don’t necessarily know how I’m going to get us out of it. I’ve narrowed our budget down as low as I can, and we are still in the red. And I’m getting further behind on payments.

At the beginning of 2024, something would always come up, or we’d have to dip into savings for some minor repair. I started telling my husband, “If we don’t start putting money into savings, we are one emergency away from major financial trouble.” Looking back, there was a lot I should have done differently. I should have managed finances better. After our son was born, I should have taken the medication offered to me when I was dealing with postpartum anxiety/depression. Maybe then I wouldn’t have been in such a crappy headspace for as long as I was, causing my husband to miss so much work. After the accident, I should have purchased a small SUV instead of letting my fear push me towards another larger vehicle. I shouldn’t have listened to someone’s advice and emptied my 401K two years ago to pay down debt as THEY had requested. It probably would have given us some breathing room this past year. And the list goes on and on. But I can’t go back. I can’t change it. And I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do.

Photo by NORTHFOLK on Unsplash

It’s all very stressful. The words “bankruptcy” and “repossession” have been tossed around. Neither is an option I want to consider, but if things get worse, I might not have a choice. We are trying to liquidate the majority of what we own that has any value to help us get through each week. And as I take pictures of things to post, I keep asking myself, “How did I get here?” I never imagined that I’d have to pick and choose between whose doctor visit is more important, or whether we need to go to a food bank so we can pay a bill. And so, if we barely have enough money to get us through the week, credit cards are the least of my concerns. That said, I had worked so damn hard to improve my credit score, and for years, I made saving a priority. So, for us to be in this situation, I’m often left in tears and extremely panicked.

I’ve done a bit of research, and everything points towards financial counseling, debt consolidation, and/or bankruptcy. I’ve contacted two financial counseling services to see what kind of support they can offer me. I also have a call scheduled with an accredited debt relief company that I found through the government website. While I wanted to negotiate rates on my own, I don’t have time to sit down and go back and forth with each credit card company. I also have no clue what I’m doing, so I need some help. It’s been such a long time since I’ve been in a situation like this, y’all. Though this time is probably the worst it’s ever been. I remember telling myself all those years ago that no matter what, I would not let myself get to that point again. And well, here we are. I’m actually really disappointed in myself. I knew better, and I just didn’t stay on top of things as I should.